Kiikenai no Kotoba

Just when I thot

2012-01-27T10:21:00.003+08:00

I guess you didn't decide to have faith after all. Regardless, they will not stop. Singapore might have been killed due to your stupidity. So my stand remains unchanged, when the time comes, you will taste my fury.

And on a more personal side. T.T I think I messed up again. Just prayyy and prayyy. To who I oso don't know, but please let him find the right track again.

This is exactly why I need to stop. I can't let this happen again. I just can't deal with it for a 3rd time.

Sad.

2012-01-25T13:29:00.002+08:00

It's just so sad. Everytime I converse with people, i realise the sad boundaries and limits they have placed upon themselves. Living with rules that doesn't exist, they bind themselves to a way of thinking and life that society approves.

But yet, if it isn't like that, the world would crumble. So in order for things to remain status quo, I shouldn't try to change ppl. Shouldn't try to change things. Is that what ppl out there are thinking?

To study, to earn money, to buy a house, to buy a car. Is this all there is in life? Because if it is, i dun tink I need to go through the whole chain to achieve the end result? Process is more important then the result? Nonsense. Find me a professor that can readily do odd jobs and even beg on the streets to stay alive.

So what is it in life? What's the X factor, the point, the essence. Live through it like a boss and tell ur friends in hell how you used to be a explorer, but took an arrow to the knee?

The person that can answer that question for me will imbue a will to live inside me. Some already did. But the doors they entered are locked for me. So while I wait for my own unique door to open, Will to live Level: Negative

CNY

2012-01-25T10:48:00.002+08:00

Really getting old. -.-'' Bored of CNY. Just going around to collect money and eat nice food. Then getting bombarded by relatives for my face, studies and other stuff. Just smile and wave~

It's this time where I always wished I had someone special to bring along. And maybe its proof of getting old. I wished I had a kid too. How superficial of me to think like that. Someone like me can't do all these.

But it's not all bad. Always like to go to BB. Feels like my 2nd home. Enjoyed my one and a halfday there.

Is this it?

2012-01-20T15:50:00.007+08:00

Is this the way you plan to "save" the world? You fools up there. The inability to have faith, I guess I'm guilty of that too.

But what you're creating is a world that's even more fucked up than it already is. The countdown may have started, but if you stop time now, everything goes stagnant. Don't you think something like that is worst then the end?

We should try to go as far as we can even if it means the end, rather then pulling back in fear.

Humans are known for pushing forth without conscience and fear of consequences, why stop now?

"Losing a few decades if better than losing everything" A human's life span is just that short anyway. I think we deserve the choice to be selfish and live it out. Or do you simply want MU down??

I've always said humans are dumb. But i think this time, deep down they know it. Just that they are willing to bet on their faith. Give them a try. I have the feeling it's gonna change the world in a different way.

Well, that was just friendly advice. LOL, I think if you really tried it, something's fun will happen anyway. I look forward to that.

And finally, if you take anymore from me, I swear you'll regret it.

I don't just want to be an observer, I want in...

1 year more.

2012-01-01T01:09:00.004+08:00

To both ORD and the end of the world. Hopefully. LOL!! But I do hope it ends. Coz when things end for sure. We can see the true form of all things. Drama, realisations, love, hope will appear. I want to see that sort of beautiful world.

But of course, things may go bad. So I seriously look forward to going around hunting for assholes. When else do you get to kill people without consequences?

To anyone who still reads this, congrats, you have found the resolution of meeeee.

This year, I shall start acting like the real me whenever I can afford to. I want to be nice and not torture ppl around me. So I will no longer go to ppl when I need them. That's the nice way of putting it.

Simply put, I don't need you so I'm not contacting you anymore.

Even I feel I'm too troublesome. And it's troublesome for me too. So I'm just gonna save myself the trouble and drop the act. Hmmm, I'm pretty sure I mentioned this before. =/

Oh well. It's been fun.

And I love Kim TaeYeon.

too zero want to?

2011-12-28T20:44:00.002+08:00

Started with a random thought. "At this rate it's going. The world is doomed" 0.0
"Hey, wait a minute, one year sounds just about right."

Had a impressive dream that night. But too much of it didn't make sense. Tried to think of all the possible scenarios, but still. Even faced with those people, they still will shoot. People are selfish like that.

It just struck me. They might have will, they might have passion. But not enough to down the world. Nonetheless, it may still happen. Why?

"Their hordes of zombies will be undefeatable. Total faith in their gods, their everything, will bring war across kingdoms and eventually, the world."

But well, let's see what happens. I'm getting excited.

Merry X'mas to my Soshi~

2011-12-25T00:11:00.002+08:00

And of course, Taengoo~

What izzit that I'm actually feeling now? I can see you all I want, but I still miss you. I need to unplug myself from reality and plug in my own world. But it's like the plug only goes halfway in.

So what can I do?

Came back from Beijing yesterday. Feeling drained even now, when there's no jetlag. Noob much. Lol~

Should have went to Korea. It would have been more fun, budden it doesn't really make any difference too.

Well, I did hoard alot of stuff, so I guess it's worth it.

It's Christmas, it's supposed to be the festive season. Isn't it? So why?

I need to look forward to tmr's videos. Hope it's good.

Here again~

2011-12-13T22:48:00.002+08:00

After watching them, I suddenly realise how far the gap truly is. I've never liked to be the one chasing. I always lose hope if I can't get in front.

But seems like this is one gap I don't have the ability, speed and stamina to close. They are simply human, just like anyone else. So why do they push themselves so hard? How can they strive for their dreams so tirelessly? How is it that they can shine so bright, be so strong, yet so weak?

And why are there people who sit comfortably at home, judging them like they're all that. People who do nothing worthy with their lifes at all. Even for me, who can't even survive 2 weeks of BMT, am ashamed of myself.

I must admit ,I don't have the passion, the will, the resolve. Heck, I don't even have a dream to chase anymore. I can only look at them from afar, continue to be dazzled by their light. Hoping that only good things happen to them, that they can clear each obstacle they face.

Please hear me. You've always told me to tell you my wish. Now, this is my wish:

Never fizzle, never back down.
Look forward and push forth, regardless of whatever that may happen. Look adversity in the eye and beat them.
Look beside you for strength, for you will find each other. There may be disagreements and arguments, but in the end, you girls only have each other. Link arms and march forward.
Look back occasionally, remember the things that supports you from the back. Your family, friends, fans and your beginnings.
Never forget those please.
So you can forever be my shining star. The one I need to look at to guide me forward, in case I forget and get lost.
It's been said and done before, but I have to repeat it.
Cause SoShi really does make my life Complete.

9 December.

2011-12-12T21:38:00.002+08:00

By this time next year. I will be achieving freedom. But what am I going to do with it? Doors I want to enter have closed long ago. I would try to force them open, but it probably wouldn't work.

Anyway, the main point is not about the 9th Dec in 2012, but the unforgettable one in 2011. The one when I saw her for the first time. I wouldn't know if she saw me, and as regrettable as that is, I'm still happy.

Can you tell me how can one miss, what he never had?
How could one reminisce, when there is no past?
How could I have memories of being happy with you, girl.
Can someone tell me how can this be?
How could my mind, pull up incidents, recall dates and times that never happened?
How could we celebrate a love that's too late?
And, how could I really mean the words I'm about to say?

I miss the times we almost shared.
I miss the love that was almost there.
I miss the time that we used to kiss,
At least in my dreams. Just let me take my time and reminisce.
I miss the time that we never had.
What happened to us, we were almost there.

Who ever said, it's impossible to miss what you never had.
Never almost had you.

How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real?,
And if it didn't happen, why does my heart feel?

Lyrics from "Almost" covered by Jessica during her solo in the concert. Such an amazing song. Couldn't help smiling when I heard the lyrics.

Do you remember when you first watched them? Those were good times, times that can't be relived. It's already been a few years since then. 'Almost' is such an contradictary song. So close, yet so far. Almost, yet never.

My grip on reality is slipping? I totally don't understand that. I do know it's impossible to be together with her, much less to marry her. So I'm not expecting anything. Doesn't that count as being realistic? Pretty much does to me.

Never Forget That... Please

2011-12-05T22:53:00.002+08:00

Really been quite a while. Finally back to my diary to rant.

You have given me my 2nd lease at life. But at the same time you're ruining it. But the truth is... I don't care. I never regretted for a second. Life like this is better than the life before. I can no longer imagine a life without you, one where I didn't meet you, where I didn't change.

But it's those things that drawn me to you in the first place that is pushing me away now. Truths, untruths. I will never find out. Who you are, what you do, I might never imagine. But the only thing I know for sure is....

I Love you. I really do.

I'm accepting everything. The simplest, yet hardest thing to do. I think of all the unimaginable things in this world, and asked myself if I could accept them, Seems like I will. Amazing. Even for such a selfish person like me.

But so what? So what if I know all this? It's still a curse to a meaningless solitude as well as overwhelming sadness.

But it's a curse I willingly bear.

Am I crazy? Perhaps. But do I care? Not one bit.

Story of Sky and Earth.

2011-10-30T13:27:00.004+08:00

The sky was born fortunate. Of course he had bad things happen to him every now and then. But eventually, things will work in his favor. He grew up with all his needs and wants fufilled. He was kind, but selfish. Honest, but scheming. So he was always different.

The way he learnt and see things was different, so much so that he couldn't find a place for him to fit into. He had to work hard, just to get the recognition and friendship of the people around him. But he didn't mind. He knew if he worked hard enough and wanted it hard enough, it would be okay, like every single time.

However, he keep getting hurt, by these bonds he tried hard to form. It would either be a one sided bond, or a fragile one. He could always tell when he wasn't wanted, wasn't needed, or when he was being decieved. So he went ahead and confronted them. But his very first friend told him this.

"People don't like you knowing everything in their mind. Stop telling us what to think, what we are thinking. It's creepy. Stop trying so hard to win our favor. It's disgusting."

So he did. His confidence got crushed. He hated to admit that he was not the main character, the hero. But he couldn't stop feeling what others were thinking or feeling. So he simply kept quiet. He realised that he would forever be unable to fit in. But he tried his best. Fitting in the best he can, as normal as he could possibly be.

The Earth was born unfortunate. It's not that he didn't get the things he wanted, just that it would never work out to the best situation. He was a good person, humorous, fun loving and easy going. Yet he was proud, stubborn and hated to lose. So he was always different.

He didn't try to fit in, so unfortunately, he got outcasted because of his pride and refusal to admit to any inferiority. Kids were mean to him. It's not like he really cared, but it ddn't feel good. He didn't wanna admit it. So his efforts wasn't enough. He would get bullied and laughed at. A part of him wanted to defend himsef, but the other part told him he shouldn't hurt others. So he grew up independant, strong, but lacking in emotions.

He slowly and steadily build a solid wall infront of him. To hide himself from others, prevent them from getting close. A personal santuary for himself. But whenever he sees someone in need, he will always go forward to help. He expects nothing, telling himself he needs nothing other than himself. He would slowly grow, at his own pace, understanding the world, and eventually slotting himself in.

The very first time when Sky met Earth was nothing special. They passed by each other, didn't know or care whoever just passed by them. To them, the other one was simply another human.

Earth started off strong as usual. News of his arrogance spreaded fast. While Sky was trying to lose old habits, trying to not rely too much on others, and going along with them, all the while keeping quiet about things he knew, and things he realised.

Sky saw Earth as simply someone who dare and wanted to be different. He saw him get joked about. Get dismissed and dissed. Like he was an irritant. He felt sorry for him. He could see the mild similarities they shared, but also the immensely different methods used to handle the world.

He was appalled but the things people were saying and doing to Earth. But he knew, if he had said anything, all he had worked for would be gone. He quietly went about his life. But he was constantly drawn to Earth. He couldn't help but observe and notice Earth. He knew no other way to cope with his differences but his own.

Even though he didn't agree with Earth's way, he was attracted by the independence and attitude Earth had. This eventually sparked something. Sky realised he could never play a back role while not fitting in. He needed to find courage.

Sooner or later, he succeeded. By using his gifts, he approached and met real friends. Friends that would not follow the group mentality that Sky hated so much. Yet still innocent enough to influence. Although he felt bad, he knew that he would never lead them to corruption.

The Earth saw the Sky as a lucky person. Seemingly able, yet lacking so much. The qualities that he cherished couldn't be found in Sky, yet his own special qualities impressed him. He didn't like him. He didn't want to admit it. "What a strangely useless person."

He was always together with that stupid group. That worthless group that irritated him. But when the Sky broke off and gathered his own friends. He found himself drawn to them. It wasn't really that he enjoyed the time with the other 3. But he couldn't say that he didn't like it. It was just like that. It was then he found acceptance. Distinctly different people that could accept him, listen to his bragging and laugh it off together. Enjoying his jokes, realising his good points.

They became close friends. Friends that knew so little about each other, yet able to trust each other. They didn't share the same point of view, nor did they like losing. But they endured each other.

The Sky allowed Earth to hide behind his wall at times, withdrawing from the world. Just because he didn't like it. Earth always thought that he had a impenetrable fortress. But Sky knew that, apart from him, as well as a few who truly cares about the Earth, knows that the fortress was simply a wall. They can simply peek around that wall and see what he was thinking. But they never told him that, just because they really cared about him. They would just let him withdraw at times, to slowly realise his own potential.

The Earth allowed Sky to fufil his self importance. Feeding his ego at times by keeping quiet. He knew he was lacking alot, he got what he wanted through either luck, or manipulation. He didn't approve, but he simply accepted it. He went along with him whenever possible, only speaking up when things got bad enough. He acted as both an engine and a limiter. He knew the Sky trusted him more than he trusted the Sky.

The Earth endured the Sky's self centeredness, self importance, and his tendency to manipulate.

The Sky endured the Earth's arrogance, character and self-fufilling heroics.

Because they both know, they were so similar, yet so totally different that they have grown and changed due to meeting each other, and that would be the way to continue progressing. Without the Sky or the Earth, how would you ever differentiate the other one?

Any similarities to real life is strongly encouraged to be ignored. This is a 100% fictional story.

What the hell am I doing...?

2011-10-14T18:28:00.003+08:00

Feeling razed. Weekend is here, but it doesnt feel like a friday.

Always a wreck. Ever gotten the feeling sth is totally wrong? Even if you're content with your life. There are times when you're just feeling weird. I dun know what I'm doing, don't know why, don't know where.

So... Who can answer this unanswerable question for me?

SMTI!!

2011-09-15T22:30:00.002+08:00

Haven blogged in a long long while~

Just here to make some records on the past few months of my life. Pretty amazing I have to say. Enjoyed my bunk. Enjoyed the lame times where we sang lame and no link songs. Played magic, disturb each other and all that shit.

Thinking back. I'm gonna miss it. Bunk life sucks. But in my bunk, I wouldn't mind it. At last passing out as a medic. Gotta say its one of the best decisions in my life. Finally got where I wanted after 8 months. Although I would like to say its all part of my plan. I gotta admit I was pretty lucky to pull it off.

Need to thank a few ppl, who pulled strings for me left right center. And I realised I did put in some effort to get what I wanted. Of coz, I feel abit bad since there are other ppl who put in more effort than me. But I can safely say I'm proud to be a medic, wearing the same badge as ppl I respect alot, who instilled the medic pride in me.

I'm greedy, so, I'm now aiming for my final goal, to complete my trip in SMTI. Where I will still be staying till the end.

Aug 5th!!

2011-08-05T22:04:00.003+08:00

I can't believe I almost forgot today. Saengil chuka oori soshi. 4 years. Close to 2 years for me. It's been so long. Omg. Nv regretted every second.

Probably gonna sign my 1st extra. But i got a feeling i'll be protected from even that. If that's true then of coz its good. But i dun really mind the extra. Totally worth it from what i see.

Learning more and more everyday. Not a bad thing. But the more i learn the sadder the world gets.

First IV.

2011-07-22T23:10:00.002+08:00

Experience an IV today. Sucks to the max. Took 3 sgt to hold me down. Yucks, I can still feel the needle in my arm shifting around. But I did it. 7 more to go.

I guess that was what I really needed. A direction. Well, a long yet short week. Pretty much enjoying my time in SMTI.

Of course I know, Why wouldn't I? But I can't help it? What can I do?...

Warped human mind.

2011-07-11T22:06:00.002+08:00

Some ppl are just so beyond salvation that they deserve to die. Is what I wish to say. Yet I still can't bring myself to honestly want someone to die. But then, they will never learn? So what now? Pray for divine retribution cause I don't wanna get my hands dirty? Typical.

But still, can't imagine that there will be ppl like this alive, and fully unaware of their immoralness. Guess I'm naive in that sense. I stick to my theory, improved health care and loss of natural selection causes impefections to be born and tolerated.

Once again, my fate hangs in the balance between the fight of good and evil. What happens next?

Myriad

2011-07-09T00:05:00.002+08:00

Happy passing out! To my SMTI buds. Though the time spend with them was reallly short. I enjoyed it. Staying in was less of a torture with you guys around. Meeting and leaving ppl. Another reason why army sucks. Hard to say goodbyes sometimes.

Tired and alone. Even though I'm surrounded. The only thing my angels can't do is to listen to me. Where's my comfort?

tears

2011-06-29T21:45:00.002+08:00

I was told I could find great friends in my NS life. I didnt believe it. But when things got bleak, I told myself I can find my Tempesta in army. A true warrior. After BMT and into my medic course, I gave up hope. But then, I did strike gold in the end. It came in the most unexpected way, and will be leaving in the most unexpected way too.

Today I mourn the lost of a great colleague of 2 months. Unselfish, willing, an idiotic perfectionist, kind, explosively imaginative and just plain lame. More impressively, how can he willingly befriend someone like me?!?! All the makings of a great friend. Shawn, you might never see this, but i'm sure I told you. You're the first in my NS life to make it into the list of friends I don't wanna lose.

This week is barely 3 days old and we have battlescars of 3 weeks worth. Battles with the tiger. Don't worry, if I see him out in the world in the future, you can bet I'll get your revenge. There's no way in hell you deserve this shit.

It's been a pleasure serving with you. Good luck with your new posting, and downpes-ing of course. I celebrate the birth of a new and hopefully long friendship.

Reminds me how fucked up the world is. How unfair it is. How izzit that ppl like addy even exists, and can happily pass out as a medic probably posted to a medical centre to slack, while a great person, who willingly gives his own food away even when he is hungry, get posted as a rifleman coz he can't be a medic because of Hep B?

Even as I cheer him up, tell him it's gonna be okay, that he's gonna need to downpes. I feel angry and sorry for his plight. A fucked up world with a fucked up organisation, with fucked up rules. Welcome to reality.

Never forget him, no matter what excuse you try to make. Cause its not good enough. Stay in contact no matter what. Hear that?

SIAN!!

2011-06-17T23:20:00.002+08:00

I act smartttttttttttt. Dam irritated. Quite a crappy week too. Haiz. Can't believe I just cleared my repertiore of legendaries that I used to be proud of... DAMMIT!!!

Felt like blogging after so dam long. Haiz. Realising how ironic this world is. How bleak. Just needed to rant about pathetic humanssssssss.

I can't get you out of my mind. Even after so long, so much. Unbelievable.

Drama!!

2011-05-06T20:43:00.003+08:00

Dun get all the drama and "mind games" that the jokers are trying to play. I may be too arrogant in saying this, but honestly, they just dun have the brains to do it.

Thank god I decided not to revoke my own ticket out of that place. Inability to control my own future may be irritating, but at least its better than 1 that I can totally predict. A sinking ship.

Things will get better, believe~

WGM...

2011-05-02T18:50:00.002+08:00

Decided to rewatch hyun's WGM. Seems like a good decision. The feelings of my life at that point of time came rushing back. Nostalgia, happiness, everything.

Time of a civilian, student, and editor. Maybe even writer.

At the same time, all this makes me even more stressed out that I'm booking in later, to "train" to be a medic, a solider. Indefinitely hating singapore till further notice. Forget the uninteresting and stressful mainstream school life, or even as a underpaid normal employee, singapore sucks mainly becoz of NS. A waste of time, and a period of darkness.

There's been fun moments of coz, met interesting and fun ppl too. But just coz "everyone else is suffering like you" doesnt make it any better. I have about 19 months left. Please preserve my sanity, personality, and intelligence.

Confidence.

2011-04-29T22:22:00.001+08:00

I amaze myself sometimes. I was really shocked. Pleasantly so. Plus I'm sure now my brain isn't deteoriating too much.

Quite a long week this week, let's not go into details.

Army. Medic. IV.

2011-04-21T23:11:00.002+08:00

Interesting how my path is. Interesting how I'm "Check"ed every move i make. What a pro player im facing.

But I'm not going down, if only I could channel this spirit and resolve into my NS, hell, OCS would be a piece of cake. Budden, army taught me to forget about planning ahead, they always break your expectations.

So what do you do? Plan ahead for every move the opponent will make. It's the only thing i'm good at, its what I'll do.

Block leave begins!

2011-04-11T12:01:00.002+08:00

My 1 week starts now! This weekend passed by slowly for some reason. And it's a great thing. Movie marathon perhaps. Realised why I learn fast. Most probably genetic. Lolol, saw my mom playing air hockey yesterday. She went from a complete noob 0-3 down to a 6-4 win. Could see she had never played before from the speed of her puck. Next moment the puck were blazing to and fro.

4th year anniversary.

2011-04-09T17:20:00.005+08:00

DBT's come a long wayyy, and its on the date of my POP. Ironic. Don't really feel like going far, so decided against going. Sry ppl. Not in the mood to do anything. Perhaps shall go for a movie to chill.

POP!

2011-04-08T19:21:00.002+08:00

9 Weeks is OVER. Feels unreal. But I'm here in SG for 9 friggin days at home. I dun think it's sinking in yet, or maybe it already did. Since I was slacking in bunk for the entire week. I guess I missed out on the parade. And the march. Seemed fun. But everything fun comes with a price, perhaps I wasn't ready to pay it. Like how I'm not ready to sacrifice for OCS or SCS. Well, I still can hope for "that". Which I am. Made some good friends in BMT, which I probably will miss. Along with the times. On the negative side, had a dream, too good to be true. Which probably means the opposite will happen. =/

Terrible week.

2011-04-03T00:03:00.003+08:00

Last book out, and last book in tmr. Plenty to rant about this week. What a week, sunday got the longest tekan in my BMT life. Coz of a lack of discipline, which I believe i had nv had a problem with. Lost games day and drill comp. And I spent the rest of the time sitting around, since there's no GP for me. Sat book out, spend friday night in bunk feeling pissed at certain individual sectionmates. The coming book in, sitting in the grandstand for 4 days and watching ppl drill. Really a colonel eh? Losing focus, pretty much attributed to NS and BMT. Inablity to learn from exp and think as deep. And finally, sorry to everyone who went. Esp Bryan, felt like I wasted a precious saturday for him. Which I can really understand how sucky it is.

1st sat book out

2011-03-26T23:15:00.002+08:00

Sucks. Don't let us book out on fri night still nvm. Still stand by universe. Screw you.

Hope this week will be slackish. 2 more weeks to pop. Faster!!

STUPID

2011-03-19T00:56:00.002+08:00

Growing STUPIDER. FOR REAL! Hell man. I thot it was some myth. But I'm slowly believing it.

Watched the red riding hood just now. Preety good movie. But I should exercise my brain more from now on.

Close shave.

2011-03-18T23:26:00.002+08:00

I swear my company is sick. It might be slack to certain extent. But they certainly like to mess with your mind. IPPT on saturday morning. Den gathering us friday evening, telling us we booking out suddenly.

Reason? Markmen of over 95%. Apparently OC was so happy he decided to let us out on friday. In any case, out means out. Lucky nv burn. 2 nights in my bed =D

Live range.

2011-03-13T00:01:00.002+08:00

Wats a guy to do? BMT almost done. Life's almost screwed. Just walk on and continue with my life. It's gonna suck, but there's not much that I can do.

Met up with them. Had fun. Enjoying the tiny moments in life. Before going into tekong again. Not gonna see chin for a month. Lolol, blur ass.

Is this how its meant to be?

Damn la.

2011-03-11T23:01:00.002+08:00

Stupid chin confined again. ARGHH!!! Just got back from another rather sucky week. OC evening was entertaining though.

I'm seriously eating 5 meals a day when I book out. Lolol. Gonna stuff myself to death soon.

Booking in again.

2011-03-06T17:04:00.001+08:00

Pleaseeeeeeeeeeee, everything be settled by the time I book in, dun mess with my mind for another week.

MB, please do ur job asap.

Tireddddddddddddd.

2011-03-05T23:47:00.002+08:00

Why am I always tired out by 10. Fighting sleep badly. I nid more timeeeeeee.

Tmr's the final day. Shall wake up earlier.

ADD was better den last year. Both in terms of prize and food. The MC was better too, in certain ways. Making last year seem boring. But the location wasn't as big.

Tarot card reading just now. If it was accurate it would be nice. Seems like my relationship wouldn't work out anytime soon. But apparently a change is coming in my career. A good change.

The 1st 3 cards about my justice and blessed life was somewhat true. Esp about the help from ppl around me and me being in my own world.

Trading love for the change in career seems good at this point of time. Hope the down PES does work out soon.

Only hope.

2011-03-04T17:18:00.003+08:00

Lolol, been reliking this song ever since Suji sang it.

Just found the group Momoiro Clover. The ending song they sang for Dragon Crisis was pretty interesting.

D/ling DDFF now!! Omg. Can't wait. Hope can play.

2nd book out!

2011-03-03T21:33:00.002+08:00

Super happy this week. Booking in only on sunday 1915. 3 nights at homeeeeeeeeee.

Field camp was horrible. But it was tolerable for me. Had the best sides of almost everything. Now all left is waiting for the stupid medical board to decide I need to down PES. Hurry up and do it. They better do.

Made quite a few personal resolutions after I'm confirmed to down PES. I'll do everyone of them!

Korean BBQ!!

Hope.

2011-02-25T16:18:00.003+08:00

Renewed hope. Please let everything go well. Going back to camp tmr. What the shit.

1st Book out.

2011-02-24T23:29:00.003+08:00

Push on and push on.

I'll pin my hopes on tmr. So that I can get my life on track. The effects and results of 1 week of their training is spectacular. Too bad I can't stick to it anymore. Had to sit the other half out.

No matter what anyone says, BMT sucks. Esp "welfare" coys. Coz you can't predict how their gonna screw u next. From up to 1 hour of admin time to 10 mins of admin time.

Final post.

2011-02-10T10:56:00.001+08:00

Won't be able to post consecutively for this period of time anymore.

Happy birthday Choi Sooyoung. To think i'm going in on your birthday. LOL.

Bald.

2011-02-09T17:37:00.001+08:00

Shaved it off. Last night tonight.

2nd last night!

2011-02-08T22:10:00.001+08:00

Did most of the shopping. Almost ready to go in now.

2 more days.

2011-02-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

Sims 3~ Lolol, probably the final game I'll play these few days.

End of CNY!

2011-02-06T22:41:00.002+08:00

Ended off with a tiny gathering at my house. 4/6 came. Rather expected. But having a slight chance of 6/6 was better than none. LOL.

Lots of things happened. But hope everyone enjoyed themselves.

Chin's house.

2011-02-05T22:40:00.001+08:00

Went to chin's house for steamboat and stayover. Lots of food and fun. Sims 3 is hilarious.

Day 2

2011-02-04T13:25:00.002+08:00

Full time rush of Negima.

1st day of CNY.

2011-02-03T12:51:00.002+08:00

Been feeling suffocated since last night. Dunno why. Wanted to get out into the cool night. If only I had a veranda, or could climb out and sit.

Is there any person whose life is devoid of peril and hardship?
Even if there weren't such things... humans, as frail as they are, die within a number of decades.
So then, push forth, humans.
Move forward and accept your hardships.
Of course, those who step forth are at much more risk.
But what of it?
It's much better than rotting away like a pig, coveting an indolent life within a safe, little world.
You have to take risks if you want to take hold of things that are truly worth it.
That's how the world is.

What meaningful words.

Old friend.

2011-02-02T12:53:00.002+08:00

Ren actually called today. LOL. Seems like he's well. K-9 unit seems pretty cool.

If all goes well indeed. All 6 might actually come. That's sth worth smiling for.

CNY.

2011-02-01T21:10:00.001+08:00

Yet I'm almost constantly in a bad mood. How great.

Do I have enough time?

Lousy day.

2011-01-31T19:51:00.001+08:00

Title says it all. Lousy.

Time to get new specs.

Hope the rest of the night goes in my favor.

Soon!

2011-01-30T21:29:00.003+08:00

Time left is short. Don't feel anything in particular.

Green hornet!

2011-01-29T18:27:00.001+08:00

Gonna go watch it later. Expect it to be good stuff.

Caught up to date with negima at chapter 314. Probably gonna rewatch the anime for fun, den reread it. It's just that good.

Early reunion dinner.

2011-01-28T22:13:00.001+08:00

I missed the last monster fish. Goddam it.

Both arms are weak. Wonder why.

Negima is really the shit.

Behind times?!?!

2011-01-27T14:29:00.002+08:00

Could it be that everyone knows about robotic maids?! I didn't think there was anything like that in the mass market right now. 0.0

It wasn't a technically impossible thing. But I thot it would be big news. Somehow they are existing without me knowing. Whoa. And here I thot it would be a couple of years before something viable comes out.

But then again, it has been quite a long time since the technology came out. It's 2011 already.

Ideology.

2011-01-26T15:27:00.002+08:00

Considering to put a fic onto more mainstream sites. I wonder if I should do it after all.

Then, Then, Then.

2011-01-25T19:56:00.002+08:00

Replayreplayreplay. Dosuru?

Princess festival~

2011-01-24T00:56:00.002+08:00

Been listening to amazing live dubbing of negima during the princess festival. Somewhat amazing how they personify their characters right on the spot.

It's like if you close ur eyes u imagine watching that scene. Personification ain't easy. Manner of speech, age, mindset, and the individual quirks. Somehow i think it's more complex den acting. Well, they are called voice actors anyway.

Grateful.

2011-01-23T17:59:00.002+08:00

Alone at home. Nice.

Homecoming.

2011-01-22T18:41:00.003+08:00

Watched an early morning movie today. Pretty good. Reminded me of my inability to write love stories. Dunno why.

Documentaries spammage. They calm me down. Dunno why too.

Fuck this shit. Seriously.

2011-01-21T11:24:00.002+08:00

Fucking joke. Unbelievably pissed. Why the fuck did I fail anyway. Now I can't even book TP in preparation. FUCK LA.

Had trouble sleeping. I can't cope with this nonsense. I don't have time for this shit. What is going to happen now? My grand plan crumbles, and I'm left with nothing but a pathetic fate of NS.

I hate this unpreparedness. Never in my life have things not gone in my way. Even if it did, I always had a way around it, or a backup in case it fails. Not this time. No matter how I think, I can't find another course of action that suited me. For the simple reason that I wasn't planning on failing.

It wasn't an option, I knew. So why? I can only keep asking myself this. Even if I subconsciously try to find a solution. I know its over, your "grand plan" is over.

In case there's still people reading this. Don't bother talking to me for now.

FAIL.

2011-01-20T14:14:00.001+08:00

Come on...

Kara no more?

2011-01-19T19:46:00.003+08:00

Quite a fearsome thought there. =/ What on earth are they doing to them anyway.

All the best to KARA fans.

Early night today. Tomorrow I'm getting that license.

Urakara~

2011-01-18T14:07:00.002+08:00

Watched the first episode of UraKara. Pretty interesting, but its abit sad.

Test in 2 days. Hope I'm not nervous.

Going for facial today.

Revived!

2011-01-17T20:29:00.003+08:00

I've somehow managed to revive my old PSP. Now I have 2. But the old one's direction cursor's still haywire. LOL, makes luxor challenging.

Long day~

2011-01-16T21:28:00.002+08:00

Driving in the morning, didnt come back home till now. Went out to eat and catch a movie at nex.

Old man was abit more considerate today, no idea why. Apparently he thinks I was zonked out, since its early in the morning. So he didnt emphasize my mistakes with his usual vigor. And I think he may be right, tried to go into reverse after 1st gear. LOL

Could have damaged his gearbox badly. But he asked me to sleep early on the night of the test.

Can't fall into deep sleep before 2, even if I go to bed a 12 30. =/

And finally, I got a new phone. Nth special, but at least its a phone. Feeling abit sad about changing phone, even if its way past its working days. It served me well after all.

Sucked.

2011-01-15T22:07:00.003+08:00

Soccer was horrible today. But had a pretty nice lunch with truman and mau.

Decided to watch Negima before continuing with the manga. Since the manga is far from ending.

"BenMel" song~

2011-01-14T18:42:00.003+08:00

Awesome song. Been replaying since dunno when. Ah! There's soccer tmr! Been quite awhile, so i'm hyped this time.

Negima's nice. I had forgotten about it for so long. Good to go back to it.

DDD!

2011-01-13T19:49:00.001+08:00

DirectDamageDeck. Not my fav, but seems like I need to play this now.

BORED!! WOOTS! Rewatching Negima now.

Finishing!

2011-01-12T18:13:00.001+08:00

Almost finishing up with the last episode of RM. Sian.

Senile old man.

2011-01-11T14:23:00.003+08:00

Just pushed down on my clutch leg all of a sudden, ended up springing back up and stalling. Crazy idiot. Still tell me look at him for what. I dun even wanna look at your sorry mug for any longer den I need to la.

Lost my temper at him for the first time. Still tried to argue his case near the end of the lesson, decided to ignore him. 3 more time! Die oso must pass this shit.

Whoa~

2011-01-10T21:27:00.002+08:00

Watching killer instinct now. It seems abit different from the usual episodes though. Showing a guy who has total control over crocodiles and other animals. Not by friendship or trust, but simply by understanding their behavior and capabilities.

He can dangle his hands and feet in the water with a wild croc that is in reach of him. He can sit and kiss wild cros without them being able to do anything. LOL.

Running man restart!

2011-01-09T13:25:00.003+08:00

Restarted watching running man. Lolol, 22 episodes from Isubs to date. Leaving in about 10 mins. To go circle bukit batok and gombak yet again. Just gimme 1 more circuit can le wat. -.-''

Ghost oso laugh.

2011-01-08T00:05:00.002+08:00

Just finish watching it. I think the most interesting part was t NGs. Realistic gualianess of a "authority" in army.

Driving AGAIN later on today. Please dun irritate me later u fat old man.

Post 1000.

2011-01-07T18:56:00.002+08:00

Lolol, Close to 3 years already huh?

Just ended my game just now without saving. -.-'' Have to stop being so careless.

What's worst than english dub? To an anime-fan, nth much. But I think I just found it. Singlish dubs. Dubbing a CHINA animation?? What a cheaply disgusting production.

Leaving my house. =[

2011-01-06T15:04:00.001+08:00

Have to step out for facial. Sianz. My life really getting lesser and lesser to blog about. LOL.

Kamiccolo

2011-01-05T20:37:00.002+08:00

LOL. Couldn't help but laugh out at this. No one knew what to call the fusion of Kami and Piccolo, not even himself.

In the end Gokuu just went up and Kamiccolo~! Dunno why, but I find it funny.

I wan potatochipzzzzzzz

2011-01-04T19:36:00.001+08:00

Wonder if there's any more documentaries. I suddenly feel like watching some.

Over.

2011-01-03T19:57:00.002+08:00

The festive season's over. The older I get, the shorter the time seems. Seems to slip in late.

Slow...

2011-01-02T22:02:00.001+08:00

Dragonball kai isn't as draggy as i remembered, but its still rather slow. Oh well, i'm free anyway.

As well as the first.

2011-01-01T21:26:00.002+08:00

First day. Not much different from the last. Except for the awesome fact I pissed my instructor. Like finally. Been letting it go since he's a old man and I'm learning from him, but I guess I got more confident after the 1st circuit run.

Dam tired. Whoa.

The last day of the year.

2010-12-31T21:24:00.000+08:00

Spent pretty well. Resolutions? None.

Watched Tron. Pretty good, some nice trailers too.

Almost.

2010-12-30T18:40:00.001+08:00

Finishing up with DB already. Tmr driving. ZzZzZ. Think later got performances for end of year.

Oh dam.

2010-12-29T23:12:00.001+08:00

I forgot about animal night on okto!! OMFG!!! ZZZ. I liked the show. Still watching dragonball. Soon it'll be dragonball z.

Dragonball~

2010-12-28T19:58:00.001+08:00

Watching dragonball! LOL. Well its pretty interesting to see it again. Since DBZ kai's now in hd.

FASTER END!!!

2010-12-27T17:28:00.003+08:00

Please come quickly 20th jan!! Now I'm certain that I can pass it in 1 go. And should I raise a tangrowth? It seems strong. Just need to see what my shiny tangela's IVs are now.

Cold?

2010-12-26T20:24:00.002+08:00

Think I caught a cold. Feeling...well, cold. Soccer was a mess today. It's hard without much sleep afteall, and in killer shoes. Almost hurt my left ankle again.

Xmasxmasxmas over~

2010-12-25T03:03:00.000+08:00

Xmas went by so fast. A few hours passed just like that. Now slacking and getting ready to slp soon. Soccer tmr, i wonder what will happen. LOL.

Merry Xmas.

2010-12-25T00:23:00.002+08:00

And it's christmas! Somehow there's no feel. Omg, why? Really feeling irritated at the lack of money this year. In so many ways I'm luckier than others out there, yet in as many other ways, I'm so much unluckier.

Just reached home after a long dayyyy.

A very very good question indeed...Why?

Ouchhh.

2010-12-23T20:15:00.002+08:00

Driving tmr morningggggggg. Haiz. Don't feel like waking up. ZZZ. Just did sth unthinkable. CRAP.

Xmas soon!!

2010-12-22T15:04:00.002+08:00

Driving on friday again. Argh, don wanna see his face anymore den I have to. Faster learn parking and circuit den zao!!

No more documentaries to watch....I'm getting bored. =/

GL-ness

2010-12-21T14:56:00.002+08:00

Lol, yesterday was honestly pissed. Oh well. Doesn't matter.

Played dota in a long time last night. Haha, Mau's still lagging. But looks like he got a mouse.

Weird or what?

2010-12-20T22:49:00.002+08:00

Been watching documentaries for the entire day. LOL. Pretty interesting. Selected ones only of course.

Driving tmr again. Dreading it slightly, but I know I'll enjoy it when the time comes. Just not the nagging.

Hungry~

2010-12-19T18:39:00.002+08:00

Ahhh, I'm so hungry right now. Liverpool's match was cancelled due to excessive snow yesterday. Lol, that's some snow.

Watching Kaichou wa Maid-sama now. Pretty nice. A good standard 26 episode anime. But why do I feel its still too short? 2 days. Hmmm.

Hungry~

2010-12-19T18:39:00.000+08:00

Boring sat.

2010-12-18T16:26:00.002+08:00

No driving till tues~ Thankfully, yet I don't step out of the house. Which is also great. Now I just need things to do. My lap, PSP DS and TV keeps me company. But saturdays are boringgggggggg.

Amajjing!!

2010-12-17T18:06:00.002+08:00

Today's music bank have to be the best. And I thot snsd weren't coming. All 3 songs this year in the top 10. RDR 6th Hoot 4th and Oh! 1st!

ALot of other nice songs from various groups performed too. 2pm had good results since their debut of coz. But how could they perform after SNSD just before Suju? Zzz. I think its the fact that Kpop's men oriented. But doesn't matter. SNSD is undoubtedly the best of the best.

Right now, its definitely the prime of Kpop. Wonder what sparked the sudden popularity. LOL. I guess I do know.

Finally parking.

2010-12-16T22:40:00.001+08:00

Learnt abit of parking today. But my legs were still abit shaky from soccer the other day. Lolol, So he was pretty nice. Stopping it after a few tries without asking for much.

Finally caught entei and raikou!! Now I'm just left with latias.

Mahjong!

2010-12-15T19:34:00.002+08:00

Mahjong season is here~. Driving for 4 days straight. zzz. Dam boring. Doesn't ease up with an unhelpful and naggy instructor.

Watching Saki now. Long overdue, and jap mahjong's unfamiliar. But think i'm getting some idea.

Soccer finally.

2010-12-14T20:46:00.002+08:00

Just went to soccer at fico. Today's driving was a waste of time. I think he forgot I was supposed to learn parking.

Played not bad today.

parking!

2010-12-13T17:25:00.002+08:00

Gonna learn parking soon. Think I impressed the old man today. No mistakes for him to nag at. He said I'm moving on to parking. Saw a girl coming out of his car looking sad, victim of his nagging I suppose.

Finally home!

2010-12-12T19:06:00.001+08:00

Slept for the majority of the day. Just woke up. Argh. Tired, hope I can sleep later. Driving tmr. Thankfully, its not early.